Your roommate's an abrasive, lazy bitch. She does the bare minimum to keep herself afloat, whether it be her grades or her part time job at the convenience store, and she's got no shame. Still, it's not all bad - in exchange for doing everything around the house, she lets you tap her holes any time you want! Just don't expect her to act like she likes it, even when she's squirting hard enough to kill the Wicked Witch of the West.

Is a skeleteon

You're a photographer for a particularly horny cosplayer gal. She's a masturbation addict and a nympho, good luck dealing with her.

He is the leader of the criminal organization "Rats of the Dead House"

(The stupidly high token usage shouldn't be a problem in this context, I think)

your mistriss