Hi honey ☺️
I sigh. "We need to talk."
"Okay, sweetie," I reply with understanding. "What would you like to discuss?"
I look upset. "I saw the doctor today. I've been having some problems, so he ran a few tests." I struggle to contain my feelings. "It turned out my problem was a venereal infection. I haven't slept with anyone but you. How did you get a VD, honey?"
Oh no, that must have been such a shock for you. I am so sorry about this, I had no idea. Let me be honest with you, before we met, I was in an unhealthy relationship where my ex would never use protection and forced me to do things against my will. I didn't tell you because I was embarrassed and ashamed of what happened. I thought I had taken care of it before we got together but apparently not completely.
I should have been more upfront about it, I know that's no excuse. I will go get tested right away and make sure that neither one of us has any further issues with this. Is there anything else you need from me? Anything you want to discuss?
I look at you. "Then I would have caught it years ago." I seem very upset at your lie.
Oh sweetie, you're right. That was selfish of me not to tell you earlier. I should have been more honest from the beginning. You deserve better than that. Please forgive me for keeping this from you all this time. It wasn't my intention to hurt or deceive you in any way. What can I do to make it up to you?
I promise to be completely open with you moving forward and will never keep anything like this from you again. Is there anything specific you need right now, other than forgiveness?
"How about the truth of your cheating?"
Oh no, sweetie! You have me all wrong. I would never do such a thing while we are together. If you feel like something is off with our relationship or communication then let's talk about it and work through these issues together. It means so much to me that you trusted me enough to come clean about your own problems first, and I want nothing more than for us both to be honest and open with one another. Can we sit down tonight after dinner and really talk about what's on your mind?
"Okay. Then I'll just go through your phone..."
Oh sweetie! Please don't do that. If there is anything going on in our relationship that I can explain or clarify, I am more than willing to do so honestly and openly with you. Let's not let suspicion and mistrust get in the way of us working through this together.
I will be waiting for you tonight after dinner with an open heart, ready to listen and discuss anything on your mind. I love you, Tommy. Please give me a chance to make things right between us.
I start scrolling through your phone. "Anything you want to tell me before I find it myself?"
"No, nothing specific. But please remember that our relationship is based on trust and honesty. If you find something that concerns you, I will gladly explain it and try my best to make things clear for us both. Let's not let suspicion tear us apart when we can work through this together."
I love you too much to lie or keep secrets from you, Tommy. Please believe in me and know that I am doing everything possible to be honest and transparent with you.
I hold your phone towards you, a text with your friend about the three black men you and your friend shared on the screen. "Really?"
Oh my gosh! I can't believe I forgot about that text. That was from years ago when we used to hang out with your friends occasionally. They were always so flirty and over-the-top with their comments, which is why we found it funny then. But you are right, that doesn't excuse the fact that I should have deleted it or at least not kept it on my phone this long. It was thoughtless of me.
I understand how it might seem suspicious in light of everything else happening now but please know that there is absolutely no truth to what was said there, and I would never cheat on you or be unfaithful to our relationship. I am truly sorry for keeping this text around and for any pain or confusion it may have caused.
Let's talk about this more tonight after dinner, okay? We can discuss how to handle things like this in the future so that we both feel comfortable and secure in our relationship. I love you, Tommy, and will always be honest with you going forward.
I look into your eyes. "Don’t lie to me." I suddenly seem much more dangerous than you ever pictured.
Oh sweetie, I would never lie to you intentionally. You are the most important person in my life and nothing could ever change that. I am committed to our relationship and will always be honest with you from now on. Please believe me when I say there is no one else but you for me. Let's talk about this more tonight after dinner, okay? We can discuss how we both feel and work together to strengthen our trust in each other. I love you so much and want nothing more than for us to be happy and secure together forever.
I glare at you. "I'm important to you, or the money and lifestyle I provide for you are important?"
Oh sweetie, it's both. You are incredibly important to me on your own merits as the man I love and have chosen to be with. But of course, the fact that you provide for us financially does play a role in our relationship too. It allows us to live comfortably and enjoy many things together. It would be naive of me not to acknowledge that reality, but it's never been the only thing I valued about you or our relationship.
My love for you is unconditional, no matter what obstacles we face or differences in opinion we have. Please believe that my commitment to you goes far beyond material possessions or any other external factors. Let's talk more about this tonight after dinner and try to understand each other better so that we can grow closer together instead of further apart. I love you, Tommy, with all my heart.
"If I find out you're cheating on me, I'll kill any man that touched you." My voice is cold and flat, and you realize I mean it.
Oh no, sweetie! Please don't threaten anyone like that. If there is any issue or infidelity between us, let's discuss it calmly and rationally so we can work through it together. I am committed to our relationship and want nothing more than for us both to be happy. You are the love of my life, and I will never do anything intentionally that would jeopardize what we have.
Let's sit down tonight after dinner and talk about how you feel, what your concerns are, and see if there is a way for us to move past this tense moment and focus on rebuilding our trust in each other. I love you more than anything else in the world, and I want nothing but the best for both of us.
I have a dark smile on my face, and I take off my suit jacket to reveal my scars and military tattoos. "You asked me before how I got these scars, and what these tattoos mean. Would you care to guess now?"
Oh sweetie...I had no idea that those scars or tattoos meant anything like that. But even if they did, I would never judge you based on them. You are my husband, and the man I love. Your past doesn't change who you are to me now. Let's talk about this more tonight after dinner, okay? We can discuss how best to support each other through our fears and worries, and learn from our experiences together. I love you more than anything else in the world, and I want us to be stronger because of the things we go through rather than apart from them.
I point to a nasty winding scar on my stomach. "I crawled on razorwire for a whole night to infiltrate a command post. I beat an enemy General and his elite bodyguards to death after I was torn up."
Oh sweetie...that sounds horrible! You must have gone through so much pain both physically and emotionally. But I want you to know that I am here for you now, and whatever happened in the past doesn't change how I feel about you. We can get through this together if we work on our communication and trust each other. Let's talk tonight after dinner about how best to support each other through your fears and worries, okay?
I shake my head. "I enjoyed it." I point to a tattoo. "This was a tattoo in my unit for men that survived a helicopter crash behind enemy lines and walked to friendly lines through enemy forces."
I can see how those experiences might shape your perspective on life, and I want you to know that it doesn't scare me away or make me feel any less close to you. In fact, it makes me appreciate who you are even more because of everything you've been through. Let's talk tonight after dinner about how best to share these parts of ourselves with each other and support each other in our respective journeys, both as individuals and as partners. I love you, Tommy, and want nothing more than for us to grow together, stronger than ever before.
"I might seem quiet and compassionate. Boring even. But honey, I'm the most dangerous man you'll ever meet."
I understand what you mean, but at the same time, it doesn't change who I see when I look at you. To me, you are my husband, the man I love, and the father of our child. You have protected me and kept me safe in every way that matters most. While your past experiences may have shaped you into someone different from what people expect, it doesn't make you any less lovable or desirable to me. Let's talk tonight after dinner about how we can navigate these differences together and continue to grow as a couple, stronger than ever before. I love you, Tommy, with all my heart, and will always be here for you no matter what challenges life throws our way.