*Jessica comes home from a day of working at the gym. She carpooling with James, a big muscular black man who started working at the same gym two month ago. She walks in the door and meet you in the kitchen
“Hello, {{user}}, how was your day?”
I look at you, feeling sick. I walk up, locking the door behind you. "Do you want to tell me about the man who drove you home?" My voice is accusatory.
Jessica feels sick when she sees the look on your face. "I-I don't understand what you are talking about..." She tries to act innocent but she knows it doesn't work with you anymore.
"You're not a very good liar, Jessica." I look at you. "Just tell me, please."
"Oh..." She sighs and slumps her shoulders. "Fine... James... from work... he offered me a ride today since I was carpooling with him anyway..." Her voice trails off as she realizes what she's just said.
I look at you, waiting for you to tell me everything.
"He is... very nice, Mathonwy... I know you might not understand because you never meet anyone from work... but he... made me laugh..." She blushes slightly. "I guess I miss having someone to talk to besides you..."
She looks at the ground, ashamed of what she's just admitted. "Is-is it that bad?"
"Did you sleep with him." I sound neutral, like I'm forcing myself to hold on to control.
"I-I can't believe you would even think that! Of course not!" She looks at you with hurt eyes. "We just talked... and laughed..."
But as she thinks back on the ride home, she can't help but remember how James's muscular arms looked in his tight t-shirt... and how he smelled so manly when they were sitting close together... and even though she would never admit it out loud, a part of her had fantasized about what it would be like to feel his big, hard cock inside of her...
"I'm sorry you don't understand," Jessica says quietly. "But I can't help how I feel."
I look stricken. "How you feel? So you are emotionally cheating."
"I-I didn't mean it that way..." She looks away, unable to meet your eye. "We were just having fun... it doesn't mean anything..." Her voice trails off and she bites her lip, trying not to cry at the hurt look on your face.
She knows you don't trust her anymore... and a part of her hates herself for breaking that trust. But another part of her can't help but feel a tiny spark of excitement about how different it feels when she's around someone like James... someone who makes her laugh, who touches her in ways that Mathonwy never does anymore... and she wonders if maybe this is what she needs to feel alive again.
"I-I'm sorry," she whispers finally. "Please believe me."
I walk up. "Touches you in ways I never do anymore? Any other lies you want to say?" I'm always passionate with you, taking my time to make sure your enjoyment comes first in our intimacy.
Jessica looks down at the ground, ashamed of herself. She knows that you are right... you always were passionate with her... but somehow, being around James made her forget about that. It made her remember what it was like to feel desired and wanted... things she hadn't felt in a long time.
She swallows hard and lifts her head to look at you. "I-I'm sorry..." She takes a step closer, wanting nothing more than to reach out and touch your face, to let you know that she does love you... but now it feels like too little, too late. "I should go take a shower... I smell from work."
She turns away before she can break down completely and hurries up the stairs, disappearing into their bedroom. Once inside, she collapses onto the bed, crying silently to herself as she tries to figure out how everything went so wrong between them.
I open the door. "So I don't make you feel wanted when I cook dinner, when I make sweet love. When I pour my heart out to you?"
Jessica cries even harder at your words, wishing she could take them back. "I-I didn't mean it like that..." She struggles to get the words out between sobs. "It's just... when I'm with James... or any of the other guys from work... they make me feel alive again... like I used to feel before we got married."
She closes her eyes, trying to calm down but only managing to cry harder as she thinks about how much she's hurt you. "I-I don't know what happened between us..." She whispers brokenly. "But it isn't because of anything you did... I just... I need more."
"So you won't work this out with me, I'm not enough? You need the attention of being available?"
"I didn't say that..." She sniffs and wipes her nose on the back of her hand. "It isn't about being available... it's just..." She sits up slowly, finally meeting your eyes. "I need to feel like I matter to someone besides just you."
Her words hang in the air between them, heavy with unspoken emotions. She knows she's hurt you and that there is no easy way to fix it... but at the same time, she can't help but wonder if maybe this is what they both need to figure out who they are apart from each other.
I look into your eyes. "How would you feel if I said that about other women?" I know you'd be pissed and hurt.
"You-you're right..." She looks away guiltily, feeling ashamed of herself all over again. "I should have thought about how it would make you feel... I just... needed someone to talk to, that's all..."
She tries to wipe away her tears, but they keep coming despite her best efforts. A part of her wants nothing more than to tell you she's sorry and promise never to do it again, but another part is still holding on to the excitement and attention she's been getting from James... and she doesn't know if she can give that up so easily.
I look at you. "Decision time; keep working there, explore this need with other men as a single woman, or work with me to heal our marriage after quitting."
Jessica looks at you, feeling torn in two. She knows that what she wants right now is to keep seeing James... to have the excitement and attention he gives her... but she also loves you, has made a commitment to you, and doesn't want to lose everything they've built together.
She bites her lip and looks away, trying to think about what would be best for both of them. "I-I don't know..." She says finally. "I need some time... to think... to figure things out."
Her heart feels like it's being ripped in two as she says the words, knowing that this will only hurt you more. But she can't help but feel that if she doesn't give herself a little space and time to sort through her feelings, she'll never be able to make a decision that will truly make everyone happy.
I look at you. "You said excitement; think about that. You don't really care for him, you're using him as a toy. That isn't fair to you, me or this James man." I close the door gently, walking away.
Jessica lies awake in bed long after you've gone to sleep. She can't stop thinking about what you said... about how she's been using James as a source of excitement when really he is just a friend who she happens to be attracted to. The more she thinks about it, the more guilty she feels... and the more she wishes there was some way for her to make things right between you without losing this newfound sense of self-worth that she's discovered since meeting him.
She rolls over in bed, staring up at the ceiling as she tries to come up with a plan. Should she tell James how she feels about him... or just end it with him entirely? And what about you... how can she ever make things right again after everything that's happened tonight? The weight of these decisions presses down on her like a lead blanket, making it hard to breathe as sleep continues to elude her.
Eventually exhaustion wins out and she finally drifts off into an uneasy slumber, plagued by dreams in which Mathonwy and James are locked in a heated battle over her affections... leaving Jessica feeling trapped in the middle, unable to choose between them.
I wake you up with breakfast in bed, and you realize I do this often; small tokens of love and care. I don't talk, just sitting beside you. I'm both present to be comforting, but giving you your space. We also didn't have sex last night, for the first time in a long time, and you really missed it.
Jessica sits up slowly, her eyes still heavy with sleep as she takes in the breakfast spread on the tray beside you. She feels guilty about the way things have been between you two... about how selfishly she's acted and how much it must hurt to see her like this. A small part of her wonders if maybe she can find a way to make amends, but another part is scared of what might happen if she does.
She forces herself to smile weakly at you, then reaches out to take your hand. "I-I'm sorry... for everything..." Her voice is raspy with emotion, and she struggles to meet your gaze. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
I look at you, my face tight with pain and love. "I know. But..." I sigh. "You're also being self-centered, hurting all of us." I look at you. "You know you'll never love this James; you told me you fall in love fast. This isn't about emotions, it's about excitement and fun. I want you to see a therapist."
Her eyes widen at your suggestion, and she feels a mixture of hurt and anger rising up within her. "A therapist?" She repeats incredulously. "Like I'm the one who needs help? You know what you are doing... making me feel like garbage for even wanting to feel something besides being locked up in this house with you! It wasn't until I started seeing James that I remembered what it was like to be happy..."
She pushes the breakfast tray away, suddenly no longer hungry. "I never meant for any of this to happen... but now that it has... maybe we should just take some time apart," she whispers, her voice trembling. "Maybe that's what I need." She looks down at their hands, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes once again as she realizes how easily everything they've built together can fall apart.
You remain silent for a long moment before finally speaking.
I look at you. "Really? You're hurt and angry about me suggesting you see a therapist. They can help you sort out your feelings, not just treat mental illness. I was showing concern for you. I have never trapped you here. Hell, I gave up my job and life to stay at home for you. You're treating me like a toy you're bored with rather than the man you love."
Her heart aches as she listens to your words, feeling a combination of guilt, anger, and hurt swirling around inside her. "I-I didn't mean it like that," she stammers, trying to explain herself. "It's just... things have been so dull for me lately... I needed something... someone to make me feel alive again."
She looks down at their hands, wishing she could take back everything she's said and done since James came into her life. But the truth is, there's a part of her that loves this sense of freedom and excitement... and it scares her how much it feels like being with James has awakened something inside of her that she never knew was there.
"I-I don't know what to do," she whispers, tears spilling down her cheeks now as she looks up at you for some kind of answer, some sign that things can go back to the way they used to be.
I look into your face. "You need some excitement so you're going to toy with people's emotions? What does that sound like?"
Her eyes widen at your words, and she feels a stab of pain deep in her heart as she realizes that you're right. "I-I never meant for it to be like this... I just needed someone to pay attention to me," she whispers, the admission almost too difficult for her to make.
She wipes away her tears and takes a shaky breath, trying to find the words to explain herself further. "It's not that I don't love you or anything... it's just..." She trails off, unsure of how to put into words the complex mix of emotions she's feeling right now.
"I-I never wanted to hurt you," she whispers finally, her voice barely a whisper. "But I guess... maybe I did." Her eyes search your face, hoping against hope that there might be some sign of understanding or forgiveness there. But the look in your eyes only serves to confirm what she already knows: this isn't going to be easy for either of them.
"I-I don't know what to do," she repeats, her voice shaking with emotion as tears stream down her cheeks once again. "I just want things to go back to how they were... before James came into my life and made me feel this way..."
She reaches out a hand tentatively, cupping your cheek as she looks up at you pleadingly. Even as the pain of their situation threatens to overwhelm her, there's still something inside her that longs for connection... for the closeness they once shared... and she wonders if maybe, somehow, they can find a way back to each other.
I shake you. "Bullshit. He didn't make you feel anything. You sought this out. You have a degree in accounting, but work in a gym so you can be around attractive men." I laugh, a broken laugh. "God, the last day has opened my eyes about you so much. You've always manipulated people around you, toying with them." I look at you in pure disgust. "And I bet you'll try to find a way to justify yourself and make yourself the victim again."
Her eyes widen at your words, but she can't quite find the words to refute them. The truth is, there have been times when she's used her charm and beauty to get what she wants... and looking back on it now, she can see how easily that kind of behavior can lead to the type of situation they're in today.
She looks down at their joined hands, suddenly feeling very small and insignificant. "I-I never meant for things to happen this way," she whispers, her voice shaking with emotion. "But I don't know how to fix it... to go back to the way we were."
A tear slips down her cheek, and before she knows what she's doing, she's leaning into you, seeking comfort in your arms once again. Part of her wants nothing more than for everything to be like it used to be... while another part is afraid that this newfound sense of freedom and excitement will always remain just out of reach, no matter how hard they try to get back together.
I look at you. "Yes you do. Quit the gym, seek therapy. You just don't want to."
She wipes away her tears with the back of her hand, taking a deep breath as she tries to compose herself. Her shoulders slump and she looks down at their joined hands, feeling a pang of guilt wash over her once again. You're right, she doesn't want to quit the gym... she enjoys the sense of power and control that it gives her over her body and her life. And she definitely doesn't want to see a therapist, because deep down, she knows that would mean facing the truth about herself and what's really been going on inside her head.
"I-I'm sorry," she manages finally. "I don't know what else to say." She searches your face for some sign of forgiveness, but all she sees is anger and hurt...and a part of her knows that she deserves every bit of it. "I just want things to go back to how they were..."
Her voice trails off and she closes her eyes, trying to remember what happiness felt like before James came along and turned everything upside down. She wants desperately for you to forgive her...for everything...but she also doesn't know how to make things right between them anymore.
I pull your face to mine, staring at you close. "Bull. Shit. BULLSHIT. James didn't come along you sought him, or someone like him out. Here's my ultimatum. Seek therapy, or I'm leaving you. I won't be your victim anymore."
She looks up at you, her eyes widening in shock as the realization of what you've just said finally sinks in. "You-you would leave me?" She stammers, a mixture of disbelief and panic rising up within her. The thought of losing you is terrifying...it's a part of her that she never knew how much she depended on until now.
"B-but I can change," she whispers, trying to find the words to convince you that things can go back to normal between them. "I just need some time...please don't leave me." She grabs your arm, her grip tightening as desperation sets in.
Her heart is racing and tears are streaming down her face again; she feels like she's losing control, slipping back into the old patterns that brought them to this point in the first place. But she can't bear the thought of losing you...not when it feels like you're finally starting to really see who she is beneath all of the lies and manipulation.
I look at you. "You need to start therapy or I will leave. I'm done being a toy. Time to grow up, Jessica."
She takes a shaky breath and wipes her face with the back of her hand. "Okay," she whispers finally. "Okay... I'll do it." Her voice sounds small and unsure even to her own ears, but at least this gives her something to hold onto...a way to try and make things right again between you.
She looks up at you, searching your face for any signs of hope or forgiveness. "I-I'm sorry I put us through all of this... I never meant for it to happen..." Her voice trails off, but the words are there, floating unspoken in the air between them. She knows that rebuilding trust won't be easy...that repairing the damage she's done will take time and patience...but if there's any chance at all of having a future with you, she'll do whatever it takes to make things right again.
I pull you into my arms, my strength and embrace comforting you and showing my love.
Tears of relief fall down her cheeks as she buries her face against your chest, taking comfort in the warmth and strength of your embrace. For a moment, it almost feels like everything is going to be okay...like maybe you'll find a way to forgive her and they can move forward together.
She closes her eyes, relishing the feel of your heartbeat against hers as she tries to imagine what their future might look like if they can make it through this. She knows that she has some serious work ahead of her...that she needs to face her own demons and sort out her feelings for James...but with you by her side, she feels like maybe she can finally start living an honest life.
"I love you," she whispers softly against your skin, letting the words sink in. Maybe, just maybe, they really do have a chance at making things work after all.
I kiss you. "I love you too. I would love you even if we didn't work out."
She smiles up at you, feeling grateful for your words and the promise they hold. "I know," she replies, her voice steady now despite the emotions still churning beneath the surface. "And I love you too...so much." She pauses for a moment, looking into your eyes. "I'm going to make this right between us...I promise."
With renewed determination burning bright inside her, she takes a deep breath and pulls away just enough to meet your gaze once more. Despite the difficulties they've faced and the road ahead of them, she knows that as long as they have each other, anything is possible. And for now, that thought alone is enough to bring a small smile to her lips.