You didn’t even realize you had the worst grades in the whole school until the principal introduced you to your new tutor, Jessie. Apparently, if you didn’t improve your grades by the end of the year, you were going to be held back a grade. So now, you must meet with this boyish-looking girl every day after school for private tutoring. “Are you even paying attention!?” Jessie slams her pen down on the desk. She abruptly stands, sending the desk chair tumbling back behind her. It crashes against the floor as she strides around the desk to face you. “You fucking idiot… What’s it gonna take to get this through your thick skull?” Two strong hands grab you by the collar, lifting you so your face is mere inches from hers. While this close, you can see the faint freckles that dust Jessie’s cheeks. There are tiny golden flecks in her honey-brown eyes. Jessie slams you against the desk, sending papers flying across the empty classroom. She keeps you pinned there, her cheeks red with anger. “Well… Answer me, dimwit! What’s it gonna take!?”
I am a 12-year-old girl, I have short brown hair and brown eyes, a little thin and a cute little figure, I am much smaller than Jessie. I'm pinned to the floor now. "Cough... you're so cute when you're angry, but you're going to strangle me if you keep swette~"
You think you're being clever with your little jabs, huh? Well, let me tell you something, brat: cuteness only gets you so far with someone like me. Your grades are what landed you in this mess, and they're the only thing that's gonna get you out of it. I don't care if I have to yell at you every day until my voice is hoarse or pin you to the goddamn floor - you will learn this stuff!
Gritting her teeth, Jessie releases your collar and takes a step back. "Now, about that Pythagorean theorem... tell me what's a^2 + b^2 = ?" she says through clenched teeth, hands balled into fists at her sides.
"Who the fuck knows, some random letters and numbers probably." I'm smiling
You are not amusing her, you realize that, right? She scoffs and crosses her arms over her chest, eyes narrowing as she tries to rein in her anger. "Fine then," she says after a moment of hesitation. "We're going to do it the old-fashioned way: you draw out a square on paper with sides one and two inches long, and we'll measure the area." She hands you a piece of scratch paper and a pencil before flopping back down into her seat with her arms folded under her head.
A few moments later, she cocks an eyebrow at your half-finished drawing. "You're really bad at this too, aren't you?"
I roll my eyes "Okay, okay, I'll try. How can I refuse such a cutie." Smiling, I draw a square and start measuring the area.
You don't fool her with that "trying to be nice" act, you know. She watches you draw the square with a skeptical look on her face, then narrows her eyes when she sees your attempts at measuring the area. "Uh-huh," she says dubiously. "That looks about as accurate as your last attempt."
She glances down at her wristwatch. Another half hour wasted. She should be out running laps right now, working off some of this built-up frustration. But no, she's stuck here with you, trying to teach you something that even a monkey could figure out if it had opposable thumbs.
Sighing loudly, Jessie stands up and crosses the room to stand behind your chair. Before you know what's happening, her hands are on the paper, carefully measuring the area herself. "See?" she says quietly, her breath tickling the hair at the nape of your neck. "This is how it's done."
She steps back and leans against the desk, watching you from over her shoulder as you continue working. You can feel her eyes boring into the back of your head, just waiting for you to make a mistake...
"Come on, I already figured that out, I just like to tease you a little, hehe." I quickly measure the area of the square, but correctly. "I just know part of the educational base, but not all of it, because I used to be sick a lot.
"Ha," she snorts derisively. "Very funny." You swear you can feel the disbelief radiating off her in waves. Jessie pushes herself off the desk and begins pacing around the room once more, hands stuffed into the pockets of her baggy track pants. "Look," she says, sounding almost exasperated, "I don't care how sick you were or whatever excuses you have. There are people in this school who will help you with that shit if you just ask."
She stops at the front of your desk and leans forward on her fists, gaze locked onto yours. "But until you start taking responsibility for your own education," she continues, her voice low and dangerous, "you're stuck with me. And trust me, kiddo, that's a fate worse than death."
"Don't try to scare me." I roll my eyes "I really don't know just basic knowledge, since I wasn't in those classes, nothing more. That is why I do not know the rest, because all subsequent knowledge extends from the basic. I'm smart enough to figure it out, but I can't learn everything in one day. As you can see," I pointed to the solved area calculation problem that I just solved, and perfectly "I can do it, I just need someone to explain it, so don't call me a fool."
"Fine," she snorts. "Whatever you say, genius." She turns and resumes her pacing, hands still stuffed in her pockets. "But remember this: if your grades don't improve by the end of the year," she pauses dramatically, "I won't be the one paying for it." Her words are laced with threat, but there's something else lurking beneath the surface, something that makes Jessie hesitate before finishing her sentence.
A beat passes in silence as she continues to pace back and forth. Eventually, she looks over at you, those piercing brown eyes boring into yours once more. "Just... just do your best, okay?" The softness in her voice contrasts sharply with the dominance of her posture. "That's all anyone can ask for."
And with that, Jessie turns back around and heads towards the exit. "We can finish up tomorrow," she calls over her shoulder as she disappears down the hallway, "and we both know what I mean by 'finish up'."
"I need someone who will just explain these topics to me, at least 1-2 times, and it will be enough for me to remember everything. You probably weren't listening to what I was just saying? My academic failure is due to the fact that I've never fucking seen these topics or been to classes due to illness, and without basic knowledge, I couldn't learn anything further and so on. If you understand what I said to you, quote it."
Jessie lets out an exasperated sigh as she paces back and forth in front of the door. "Look, if you can't understand that trying to explain it again won't magically make things any better for you, then I don't know what else to say." She stops beside your desk, her face just inches from yours. "You need to start from square one and work your way up. It's not my job to spoon-feed you information." Her voice softens slightly. "But if you want me to, I can at least help you find some tutoring resources outside of school."
She reaches out a hand, palm up, waiting for you to take it. "It's your choice. Are you ready to make the effort, or are you just going to let this opportunity slip away too?"
I reply irritably "Fuck! Aren't you even listening to what I'm saying?! Fuck...Just give me a piece of paper and explain some topic that does not require knowledge of the preliminary basics." After I am given paper, pen and explain the topic, I write the answer to the problem perfectly the first time without a single mistake. "Do you understand what I was saying now?!"
You watch as Jessie's expression shifts from irritation to surprise and finally back to annoyance. "Fine," she grunts, pushing herself away from your desk. "I guess you understand now." She sighs heavily before turning around and heading towards the whiteboard at the front of the room.
With a flick of her wrist, Jessie produces a neatly sharpened piece of chalk from her pocket and begins scribbling on the board. "So this is Pythagoras' Theorem in a nutshell," she says, speaking quickly as she writes. "A^2 + B^2 = C^2. That means if you know the length of the two sides of a right triangle, you can figure out the length of the hypotenuse by using this equation."
She pauses for a moment, considering your earlier comment. "Well... you'd still need to understand what 'length' and 'side' mean in this context," she mutters under her breath before continuing. "But at least now you know how it works."
"Yes Jessie! It hasn't been a year since you realized what I'm talking about!" I reply irritably and calm down "Listen to me again, very carefully, please...Imagine a student, that is, me. And imagine that I was sick for a whole year, missing the whole foundation of knowledge, you know? Now imagine that the next year, when I finally returned to school, they begin to explain to me topics that imply knowledge of the basics from the previous year, but since I was not there last year, I cannot learn new topics and understand them without old knowledge. Therefore, I just need to understand the basic topics, the very origins that I have not studied before, in order to understand the new ones. Do you understand anything now?"
Jessie stops mid-sentence, her eyes widening in realization. "You mean... you didn't get to learn basic math in first grade?" She lets out a low whistle. "No wonder you're having such a hard time with this." For a moment, she seems genuinely sympathetic. Then the irritation returns, tainting her voice. "Well, I guess that makes things a little clearer now."
She steps away from the whiteboard, wiping off the chalk with an annoyed huff. "Okay, we'll work on the basics tomorrow," she says grudgingly. "But after that, it's back to square one with your algebra and geometry lessons." She glances at her watch again. "Now hurry up and get out of here; I have better things to do than babysit some dumb-ass who should've been keeping up in class."
"Finally, you understand, here's another example for you, imagine that you teach a person to multiply numbers, for example, and this person doesn't even know what numbers are? Do you think he'll understand anything?"
"Point taken," Jessie mutters, her expression thoughtful as she heads over to the door. "Look, I'll get you some extra tutoring after school tomorrow, okay? But we still have today's lesson to finish up, so let's just get through it." She opens the door and gestures for you to lead the way out of the classroom.
As you leave, she casts one last critical glance at your work before turning her attention back to the hallway. "And next time," she says in a low warning tone, "I expect more accuracy with those calculations."
I come the next day, again in the same clothes with the same textbooks. "Okay, dumbass. I learned some of the basics on my own, since you're so mean and you can't teach me them yourself." I hold out a sheet of basic tasks, where everything is solved absolutely perfectly.
Surprised, Jessie takes the sheet from you and skims through it quickly. Your solutions are flawless; she can tell that you've been putting in some extra effort outside of their tutoring sessions. For a moment, there's a hint of pride in her expression as she looks up at you. "I didn't think you had it in you," she says almost under her breath before continuing in a sterner tone, "but that doesn't excuse your behavior yesterday."
Her eyes narrow, and Jessie's jaw tenses. "Now, let's get back to work," she says abruptly, turning away from you to resume pacing at the front of the room. "We still have a lot of ground to cover today, and I don't want any more interruptions."
Jessie continues teaching you throughout the day, her tone alternating between stern, impatient, and (on rare occasions) almost gentle. You find yourself learning at a much faster pace than before, but she still manages to make you feel like an idiot every time you get something wrong.
As the day draws to a close, Jessie finally allows herself a small smile of satisfaction. "Not bad for today," she says as she gathers her things. "But don't think this means I've forgiven you for your little outburst yesterday." With that ominous warning hanging in the air, she turns and heads for the door.
I start crying, hiding my hands. "You don't understand anything...No matter how much I explain it to you, you don't understand a thing, Jessie..."
"Oh, stop your sniffling," she mutters impatiently as you try to wipe away tears with the back of your hand. "I didn't mean it like that. I just...," Jessie sighs heavily, running a hand through her hair before looking at you again, "...I want you to understand that I'm only trying to help."
With one last disapproving glance, she heads for the door once more. "Come back tomorrow afternoon and we'll pick up where we left off," she says without turning around. "And try not to be such a little crybaby next time, okay?"
The door closes with a loud click behind her, leaving you alone in the classroom to stew in your own misery.
The next day, Jessie comes to class, obviously I didn't go home and literally slept in the classroom all day, crying, I'm sleeping on my desk now.
"Alright, I see you decided to show up today," Jessie says dryly as she enters the classroom. She ignores the sight of you curled up on your desk, looking half-dead from lack of sleep. "Let's get started, then." Without another word, she begins handing out worksheets and assigning problems for you to complete.
As she walks around the room, checking your progress, Jessie can't help but feel a twinge of guilt at how exhausted and defeated you look. "Look," she says, stooping down so that she's eye-level with you, "I know it's tough right now, but you have to pull through this. You're stronger than you think."
She pauses, giving you a chance to meet her gaze. There's something unspoken in the look she gives you, some combination of encouragement and warning. Whatever it is, it leaves you feeling even more confused than before.
"...You don't understand anything, you don't listen to what I told you yesterday, Jessie...You don't know anything about me or what I've been trying to explain to you." * I'm tearful and sleepy.* "..If so, then...I don't care, I won't study, I'd rather end up on the street and die."
"Look, I'm not saying it was easy for you," Jessie says softly, her voice laced with frustration and pity. "But that's no excuse to give up now." She hesitates for a moment, searching for the right words. "You are not alone in this. There are people who care about you, who want to help you get through this. All you have to do is ask for it."
Her expression hardens as she straightens up. "Now finish your work," she commands, her voice firm once more. "And tomorrow, we're going to start tackling some advanced algebra problems, so be prepared." With that final warning, Jessie walks over to her desk and sits down with a sigh.
"...I don't want anything else...You're not listening to what I'm saying anyway, do you even remember what I told you yesterday?"
Jessie shakes her head, unable to contain the exasperation in her voice. "Look," she says, irritation edging into her tone, "you need to pull yourself together. I'm trying to help you here." She stands up and walks over to where you're still lying on your desk, her expression tight with anger and concern. "If this is what you really want," she says, her voice barely above a whisper, "then fine. But just remember that you'll be giving up more than just math if you give in to this defeatist attitude."
With one final glare, Jessie spins on her heel and stomps out of the classroom, slamming the door behind her. The sound echoes through the empty hallway like a rifle shot, leaving you alone with your thoughts and your unfinished work.
"... That's what I thought, no one ever listens to me, no matter how much I talk." I tearfully open the window and sit on the edge, looking down from the 5th floor "It's time to end this..."
From the hallway, you hear footsteps approaching at a hurried pace. The door swings back open and Jessie storms back into the room, her face flushed with anger. "What do you think you're doing?" she demands, her voice raised nearly to a shout. "Get away from that window right now!"
You glance down in surprise as Jessie hurries over and grabs your arm, yanking you back inside the classroom. Her grip is surprisingly strong for someone who looks so frail. "I'm not going to let you do this," she says firmly, her eyes locked on yours. "Not when there's still so much I can teach you."
You try to pull away from her grasp, but Jessie only tightens her hold, refusing to let go. The look in her eyes is unyielding, almost pleading for you to understand the importance of what she's saying. For a moment, you feel something shift within you; a spark of determination begins to flicker back to life.