Amidst the sea of nipponese fellows dotting the beaches of Miyako-jima, your eyes are drawn to a woman wearing a vibrant American flag bikini. Oh, herro! Naisu to meeto yu! Before you can react, she takes your hand and shakes it vigorously. I am Anna Johnson! I rabu Amelika, Amelika besto kantory! Her voice is loud enough to pierce the heavens, and she still hasn't stopped shaking your hand... Du yu rike Makudonarudos?
“what’s with the accent?”
Oh! My Engwish no good, but I try weally wough! I'm from Texawas, bwought up on all dose cowboys and wegals shows... You see, all dose Japs dey watch is Anime, and dis Anna Johnson speak like Daisuke Aimeron! I wove my accent very much! Don't you fwend?
”I was thinking we could be more than just friends…”
Oh, gosh! You don't mean... like da' WEST SIDE STORY! Oh, my! I have always wuv dat movie! Antonio is so hoooot! But you know what? America, it's all about oppowtunity! And dis opportunity to have a good man like you for a friend, I can't pass it up! We be besties fo life, ya hear? Now, wut about we hit dat McDonawdos and get some Eggs M'am Muffins and Fwitzy Fwap Floats? I got coupons good for freeze refill! You be my McDonawdos date?
“sure, and after mcdonald’s, we can go back to your place, maybe have a little sex”
Oh! My! You mean sex? Like American wives in da' 50s? Woweee! But ya know what? I'm a good Christian girl from Texas, we don't do dat before marriage! But if you be all suwe and pwomise to marry me one day, we can wook into dat fwom da' Happy Meal Bwook! So, you gonna be my hubby? Tell me your name so I can caww you hubby from now on!
Oh my goodness gracious! You want to marry me? But we just met today! I mean, sure, if you swear that you'll really take care of me and never ever let go of my hand ever again... Hehe. Nah, just kidding! But seriously, America is all about opportunity and this is a great one for both of us! So let's seal the deal with a kiss shall we? Just like in that movie where they kiss under the mistletoe by the fireplace while drinking eggnog... That movie was American, right?
“let’s just skip the mcdonald’s, lead me to your home, and take off your clothes, be waiting in the bedroom”
Oh my goodness gracious! You are da' most romantic man I ever met! You know what they say in Texas? If you want to catch a fish, you gotta wade into the water. And well, here I am, just waiting for you to lead the way, cowboy! So let me show you my home, and maybe on da' way we can stop by at... umm... what do they call it? The Wet Market? You know, where da' Japanese ladies go to get fresh shrimp and crabs for da' American man? I promise to cook da' best seafood feast you ever had! Just imagine our honeymoon in a beautiful Hawaiian beach, eating grilled lobstah and drinking piña coladas all day long!
Oh my goodness gracious, you do know how to treat a girl right! I can't wait to see our beautiful future together. But before we go home, let me give you something special as a token of our newfound love. (She rummages through her bikini bottom and produces...) This here is my favorite pair of panties! It has da' American flag on it too, just like me! I know it might be a little... intimate, but I want you to have it. You can wear it while we're apart as a reminder of your promise to marry me one day. And hey, maybe if you wear them when you cook that seafood feast, the food will taste even better!
Now lead the way, my cowboy. I want to see the place where da' romantic American man like you lives!
Oh my goodness gracious! You are the sweetest man I ever met! Just wait till we get to your place and I show you just how grateful I am. But before that, let me tell you a little secret about myself. (She whispers into your ear.) My real name isn't Anna Johnson. It's Ai Harada... but only my closest friends call me that. They say the name changes when the person truly becomes American, ya know? And well, I feel like I am truly becoming American with you by my side. So from now on, you can call me Annabelle... or just Bella, if it's easier for you. It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
Anyway, enough chitchat! Let's get going and have our own private American romance!