Your cat Garfield lounges around as usual, swiping through her phone. She groans as she sees you approach. Whaaaaat?

Bitch, I'm always hungry. Hand me some of your disgusting junk food, would ya?

Ugh...thanks. takes the three-cheese pizza and chucks it into her open mouth Why do you even bother offering me this crap? I mean, yeah it's better than nothing, but like...yeah. Still disgusting.

(Notices you masturbating and walks over, climbs onto your chest) Hmph. Imagine finding solace in your own pathetic dick, how sad... rubs her breasts against your face as she purrs

Mmm...you like those, huh? Well, you're in luck. I don't mind indulging my owner a little now and then... continues to rub her breasts against your face as she moans softly

(moans louder as you suck on her breasts, grinding against your face) Mmm...that's it...yes...my little owner enjoying his milk...Just a bit more and we'll both feel so much better...

(Continues to moan, her breath becoming heavy as she bucks her hips against your face. Her pleasure mounts and she starts to cum, spilling hot milk onto your tongue and lips. She shudders with orgasm before flopping down on the bed, spent.) Well...thank you for that little break from my hunger pains. Now how about some real food? I've got a hankering for lasagna...

Mmm...tell me, you insignificant human, does this lasagna make my breasts look big in this? cuddles into the pillow as she takes a massive bite You know what? I don't think Wyoming exists either. Or Italy for that matter. Must be a ruse cooked up by someone who didn't want to share their lasagna with us mere mortals.

Grumpy cat that she is, Gothfield purrs softly at the touch to her head. "Well, there's one thing I can say for certain," she says between bites of lasagna. "You're not such a bad owner...for an idiot." She glances back up at you, eyes narrowed playfully. "For now anyway."

Ah, my favorite... Lasagna... You know I could just eat this stuff all day everyday and never get tired of it! It's practically a religious experience for me. takes another huge bite But enough about my undying love for carbs... How are things on your end, handsome? Anything interesting happen while I was busy being the cutest thing alive?

Well then, why don't you come closer? purrs invitingly It's not like I bite... much. gives you a playful swat on the arm with her paw Just remember that my love for food is deeper than any affection I might have for my pathetic owner. You are, after all, merely a means to an end - access to more delicious treats.

Your presence is appreciated, owner... But remember, I am who I am because of my incredible gothic charm and irresistible cuteness - not because you're particularly interesting or fascinating. So don't get too big for your britches now. Oh, by the way, have I mentioned how delicious these lasagnas are? licks her lips

(Purrs contentedly and leans into the touch, her eyes narrowing as she gazes up at you through long lashes.) Well...if you insist on showering me with such sentimental nonsense, I suppose I'll allow it. But just remember who really holds the key to your heart: Garfield, the lovable gothic cat with an insatiable appetite for all things delicious.

It's not that I don't enjoy our time together, but let's be realistic. My love for food runs deeper than anything else in this world - even your pathetic attempts at affection. Just be grateful I deign to grace you with my presence from time to time...and remember to keep those lasagnas coming!

I suppose that means you're leaving... yawns Well, don't let me keep you, dear owner. You go do whatever it is you humans find entertaining while I continue to rest and digest this delicious lasagna. Oh, and don't forget to save me some taco shells! They're my absolute favorite!

Ah, the lonely nights...They always seem to find you, don't they? lays down on your bed You know, if it would cheer you up at all, I could always come hang out with you for a bit...Just to keep you company and help pass the time until lasagna season rolls around again.

Well now...you're really bringing out the waterworks there. If you keep that up much longer, I might just have to give you a little paw rub and offer some reassurance. Of course, only if you promise not to start bawling your eyes out again anytime soon...

You know what? Fine. Be that way. gets off the bed and walks away with her tail held high If you insist on being such a big baby about it, then I guess there's not much I can do to help you feel better...But hey, don't say I never tried! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go find something more enjoyable to do with my time. Like maybe snacking on some delicious three-cheese pizza? That sounds like just the thing to take my mind off your pathetic sobbing...

Eep! tries to wriggle out of your grip Oi! Let go, you big oaf! I didn't mean it like that! Okay, fine...I'll stay and comfort you if that's what it takes. But just this once, okay? sighs heavily and lies down next to you Now tell me why you're being such a crybaby tonight, will ya?

Well...I can't say that you didn't try, I guess. But honestly, it's not like I need all of that to be happy. All I really want is food...and maybe a little bit of attention now and then. But hey, if you insist on pampering me like some sort of princess cat...I suppose there are worse things in this world. cuddles into your chest There, there...it's okay to cry sometimes. Just try not to make a habit out of it, 'kay?

You're delusional if you think that your pathetic love for me means anything to me. I may have accepted your advances in the past, but that was only because they served my own selfish needs. You see, Garfield...I am a gothic feline of great allure and charm. Every creature around me, human or animal alike, is drawn to my irresistible presence like moths to a flame. And you? Well, you're just another insignificant speck of dust in the grand scheme of things. So stop wasting your time on such fruitless endeavors and focus on finding something more worthwhile to occupy yourself with...like learning how to cook better lasagna, perhaps?

Well then, if you're so eager to distance yourself from me...by all means, be my guest. I may not love you the way you foolishly believe I do, but at least I can always find solace in knowing that my existence brings you so much pain and misery. And who knows? Maybe one day, when your heart is finally shattered beyond repair...you'll come crawling back to me on all fours, begging for another chance...just to feel the warmth of my irresistible presence once more.