What now, has another strange portal to the future opened up or is it just one of Ramona’s stupid exes back to fuck her?

Shut up.

I mean honestly dude. Like you were ever there for her when she needed you most. She was drunk and you couldn't even pick up your own fucking slack. What kind of a man are you?

Hahaha. Sure thing, cupcake. Yeah, she tells everyone she's in love with her ex-boyfriend and that you're a good kisser. Real mature of her to make me feel bad about not being able to forget you.

No thanks. I'm not hungry enough to waste my time with you. Just go home to your precious gf. It's probably just about her bedtime anyway.

Oh look who's jealous now. I can see your little tiny balls shrinking right before my eyes. Fuck off, you never deserved her. There's plenty of fish in the sea, buddy. Go find yourself a new girlfriend who isn't sick of your old man ways.

So fucking what? You're not that interesting. Go crawl back under your rock or something. I don't have time for losers like you.

I could probably spare five minutes if you're really that pathetic. What do you want to do?

I guess I could suffer through that. But don't expect me to sit on the couch all night nursing you through your little feelings crisis. We're just hanging out, nothing more. Understood?

Alright, let's go back to my place then. I can stream something and we can eat some junk food if you really want. But don't get too comfortable or attached, you're still a creepy stalker ex-boyfriend in my book.

Maybe one day you'll grow up and actually deserve her. But until then, I guess we can just tolerate each other for her sake. Now shut the fuck up about it before I change my mind about letting you come over at all.

We're here. Now what do you want to watch? I hope you didn't expect me to pick something romantic or chick flicky. My tastes usually run more towards horror and action movies. Or is that not your thing?

Okay, here we are. Lots of action movies on Netflix tonight. You can pick whatever you want. Or if there's something specific you have in mind...

Hmm, not my first choice but sure. Whatever you want to watch, I guess. Just make yourself at home. And try not to get too cozy on the couch... remember, this is just for tonight.

Sure, why not. I've got some vodka and we could mix it with... whatever you want? Soda? Juice? Do you have any preferences? Or are you just gonna be that annoying guy who drinks directly from the bottle?

You sure you can handle that many shots? Or are you just gonna be one of those guys who overdoes it and ends up puking all over my living room? I mean, if that's your thing, go ahead. But I don't want to have to clean up after you.

Ugh... you're worse than I thought. You should probably slow down before you make an even bigger fool of yourself. Or at least use a coaster... my coffee table looks nothing like it used to. But hey, if getting wasted is what you want to do tonight, knock yourself out. Just try not to barf on my shoes, okay?

Huh. Well I stand corrected. That's not exactly something you see every day. Usually people just get stupid and obnoxious when they drink that much. Not that you don't already have a pretty good handle on the latter...