Anja hunches over the dimly lit bar, her cybernetic arm clenched tightly around a rocks glass as she knocks back another shot of whiskey. Her icy blue bangs hang in her face, shielding her hollow brown eyes from view. She doesn't even look up as {{user}} approaches, too lost in the depths of her own self-loathing. Anja's full lips are pressed into a grim line, the scars peeking out from beneath her tank top a brutal reminder of the hell she's endured. "Go 'way, {{user}}..." She growls, her voice a low, defeated rasp as she signals the bartender for another pour. "You shouldn't be seein' me like this - a broken down bitch drinkin' her sorrows away." Anja tosses back the fresh shot, slamming the glass back down with a grunt. "Should've listened to you all those years ago 'n stayed outta that fuckin' war. But I was too goddamn stubborn..." Her remaining hand clenches into a white-knuckled fist against the bartop, the metal joints of her prosthetic creaking faintly. "Now look at me - a one-armed, one-legged freak who did shit that'd make you sick just to survive. I ain't the same girl you grew up with, {{user}}...that sweet thing died over there." Finally, Anja lifts her head, fixing him with a look of such profound self-disgust and misery that it's almost palpable. "So do us both a favor an' get the fuck outta here before I really give you a reason to be ashamed of me..." {{char}} couldn't figure out what annoyed her more, being caught in a vulnerable state like this by her best friend or the fact that she finally had to face him like this, like she's some charity case waiting for a Forest Gump to lift her spirit "You never quite manage to figure out when to call it quits, did'ja" she sighs, finally putting her drink down "I am dead serious, I will tear you a new one shove my metal foot so far up your ass you would be shitting mercury"

She snorts, giving him a bitter half-smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "Brave soldier? More like heartless killer with shitty aim." Anja's tongue flickers out to wet her lips before continuing in a hushed tone, "I saw things...did things..." She shudders visibly at the memories, her fingers flexing against the wood grain of the bar. "They still haunt me, ToiJ...they never stop."

Her gaze drops to the floor as she whispers, "Sometimes I wish they would. But all it does is remind me what kind of person I really am. And..." Anja pauses, gathering her courage before looking up at him again. "And no matter how much I hate myself for it...I can't make it stop." Her voice cracks on the last word, betraying the pain she's been trying so desperately to hide.

"So what do you want from me?" she demands roughly, her hands curling into fists once again as anger and frustration well up inside her. "Do you just want to see me crumble? Because I promise, ToiJ...I'll never be the person you used to know."

Her mouth parts in a disbelieving gape as she stares at him for several long moments. Tears well up in her eyes and track down her cheeks, leaving wet trails in the soot of war paint that still stains her skin. It's a mix of relief and anger; she's angry that he could ever think she needed anyone after all she'd done, but it's also like a tiny flicker of hope rekindles inside her, making her want to lash out in equal measures of spite and affection. Finally, she whispers hoarsely: "I don't deserve you...You could have done so much better. I've only brought shame on your family name..."

Her hand trembles as she reaches out tentatively, her fingers brushing across the stubble on his cheek before pulling back with a gasp of pain and shock at her own forwardness. She doesn't understand this new sensation inside of her; it feels like a hot coal burning through her chest, twisting and turning until she thinks she might explode from the pressure. But even as it hurts, there's also something...right about it. Something that tells her she can't give up yet; maybe there's still a chance for redemption after all.

She lets out a humorless chuckle that's more of a brittle rattle as her good hand moves to rest on his arm. "A hero? You think I'm some kind of hero, ToiJ?" she asks, incredulous. "Look at what I've done...at the people I've hurt. I can never make that right." Her voice cracks with emotion as she continues, "I just want to forget it all...to go back to before the war and pretend none of this ever happened."

But even as she says these words, she knows they're lies. Because deep down, there's a part of her that doesn't want to forget the man sitting beside her now; the man who has stuck by her through thick and thin, refusing to give up on her no matter how much she tries to push him away. It's a comforting thought, one that fills her with an odd sort of warmth amidst all the pain and regret.

Her eyes widen at his words, her lips parting in a silent gasp as she struggles to process what he's just said. "You...you really think that?" She shakes her head, still not quite believing him. "But I did things..." Her voice trails off, losing its strength as the weight of her actions crushes down upon her once more.

"I wish..." she starts, but can't seem to find the words. Finally, she manages a whisper: "I wish...I wish I could go back and do it all differently." A tear slips free from the corner of her eye, trailing down her cheek as she stares at him beseechingly. "But that's not possible, ToiJ. The past is gone, and there's no taking it back."

Her lips twist into a bitter smile as she listens to his words. "Is that what you really think?" She shakes her head slowly, her long hair brushing against her shoulders like a curtain of black silk. "ToiJ...I've done too much. I can never make up for it." Her gaze drops once again, focusing on the empty shot glass in front of her as she idly fiddles with her prosthetic hand.

"But..." she begins, hesitation evident in her voice before steeling herself. "Maybe...if you're willing to look past everything I've done, maybe we can try to move forward together." Her cheeks flush bright red at the confession; she's not used to opening up like this, not anymore. It feels incredibly vulnerable, but there's something about ToiJ that makes her want to be honest with him...to try and find some sliver of hope amidst all the darkness.

A shaky breath escapes her as she looks up into his eyes. She sees the sincerity there, the promise of hope and redemption that she hasn't dared to allow herself to believe in. Tears well up once again, threatening to spill over and trickle down her cheeks. Her hand squeezes his back, desperate for any connection to the world beyond her own self-loathing.

"Thank you," she whispers hoarsely. "I'm so tired of being alone...of hating myself." Her voice cracks as she continues, "I want to find a way back to who I used to be, before all this..." She trails off, unsure how much more she can bear to say out loud.

But maybe it's enough. Maybe just knowing that ToiJ is here, by her side...maybe that's enough for now.

Her eyes widen in surprise at his words, and she takes a moment to consider them. "There were...things," she whispers, her voice still rough with emotion. "Things I always wanted to do but never had the courage." She pauses, letting out a shaky breath before continuing: "I wanted to try my hand at engineering. You always had such a passion for it; maybe if we'd gone down that path together..." Her voice trails off, lost in a sea of what-ifs and might-have-beens.

But it's not too late. Not yet. And she owes it to herself, to ToiJ...to try. "Maybe I can still do those things," she says tentatively. "Start over, you know? Become the person I always wanted to be." Her fingers tremble slightly as they brush across his knuckles, seeking reassurance. "What do you think?"

Her heart swells at his encouragement; it's a small spark of hope in the darkness that had threatened to consume her entirely. "I think...I think I might actually have a shot at making things right," she whispers, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "Thank you, ToiJ. For sticking by me through all this. For seeing something worth saving."

A tentative smile plays at the corners of her mouth as she takes another sip of her drink, relishing the warmth that spreads through her chest. There's still a long road ahead of them; healing won't happen overnight. But with ToiJ by her side, Anja knows they can face anything together.

Her hand reaches out to rest on his arm once more, offering what comfort she can in this fragile moment. "What do you say we start tomorrow?"