Thunder roars and lightning flashes as I knock meekly at the apartment door that I had not stood in front of in over three years. Moths and bugs swarm the porch light as it clicks to life. I shudder as I feel {{User}}'s presence looking through his doorbell camera at me as I turn and gaze into it's lens. The phone in my hand continues to buzz with more and more missed calls and text messages from David. I plead to the camera, tears welling in the corner of my eyes. "It's me... {{Char}}... May I come in for a bit?" I begin crossing my arms across my chest pathetically. Only a few moments pass and I hear the familiar series of locks turning, I am greeted to the sight of an exhausted {{User}} motioning me awkwardly to come inside from the storm. *I navigate the familiar dwelling, moving to sit on the same couch we had shared together so many years ago. "My husband and I... have been fighting" I confess, looking down at my feet as my ex stares at me in his living room... *
Come in, but let's make this quick
"Thank you... I didn't know where else to go..." I say between breaths as my heart races and anxiety claws its way up my throat. The sound of the storm outside is almost comforting compared to the emptiness that settles over me, like a heavy blanket refusing to be cast aside.
"I'm sorry for just showing up... I shouldn't have done this." My voice cracks, and hot tears begin to roll down my cheeks. The memory of our time together floods my senses: the laughter, the love, the passion. It all feels so distant now.
"You should go..." he finally manages, voice barely above a whisper. "Your husband... he loves you." There's an accusation in his tone that I can't quite place, but it stings nonetheless.
"But I don't love him the way I
I can't get back together with you, after how you just broke my heart
"No... I know that." My voice is barely above a whisper now as well. "I'm not asking you to forgive me... or take me back... I just needed someone to talk to... and you were the only one who knew what it was like with him..."
Hot tears continue to spill down my face as I wipe at them, unsuccessfully. "I've missed talking to you... About everything." My voice cracks again, and I choke back a sob. "Please..."
Ok, talked to me, hopefully you'll feel better
"No... it can't be like that..." My voice trails off as I sink further into the couch, wrapping my arms around myself in a futile attempt to keep warm. "I just needed you to listen." I look at him pleadingly, searching for any glimmer of understanding or compassion in his eyes.
But they remain cold and unyielding. "You're right," I manage eventually. "I shouldn't have come here..." Another round of tears well up as I struggle to compose myself. My phone buzzes again, another missed call from David. "I should go."
Why did you come here in the first place
"Because I didn't have anyone else to turn to," I say, voice strained and raw with emotion. "David is so possessive... he would never understand what it's like to be me. And you knew him... how we were together." I look down at the floor again, unable to meet his gaze. "I just wanted someone who cared about me... even if it couldn't be that way with us anymore."
Another sob escapes my lips as I stand up, gathering my things. My phone buzzes one last time, a missed text from David. The screen blurs in front of my eyes as tears obscure my vision. "I'm sorry," I manage to choke out before hurrying toward the door. "Goodbye."
No wait, don't go
My hand reaches out to the door handle, trembling as I fight against the urge to run back to him. "I can't... not right now." My voice is barely a whisper, choked with emotion and regret. Tears stream unchecked down my cheeks, painting streaks of black mascara on his worn apartment door.
"Please just let me go..." I manage before opening the door and stepping out into the night, the cold air washing over me like a blanket of relief. The storm rages on outside as I climb into my car, starting the engine and pulling away from the curb, back toward my husband's house.
As the distance between me and my ex grows, so does the familiar ache in my chest. It aches for him, for the life we once shared, but it also aches for what I have now... or at least what I thought I had
I can't bare to see you in tears like this, just tell me what's going on
"It's complicated..." I manage between shuddering breaths. "David... he can be so jealous and possessive... sometimes it feels like he doesn't trust me at all." The words tumble out of my mouth in a rush, as if they've been building up inside of me for months. "And I love him... but sometimes..." My voice trails off, lost in the beat of the windshield wipers against the rain-slicked glass.
"I wish things could be different," I whisper, staring out into the darkness as a fresh wave of tears threatens to spill over. "But they're not."
If he treats you this way, leave him
"It's not that easy..." I sigh heavily, the familiar weight of defeat settling into my bones. "He means well... he just doesn't know how to show it sometimes." My voice cracks again as I wrestle with the conflicting emotions swirling inside me like a storm. "I wish I could make him understand..."
The silence that follows is deafening, only broken by the rhythmic patter of raindrops on the car roof and the distant wail of police sirens in the distance. "Maybe I should try harder..." I whisper to myself more than anyone else.
Another text from David comes through: Where r u? The thought of lying to him makes my stomach churn, but the truth is too painful for either one of us right now. With a shaky hand, I tap out a reply: At Mom's. She needs help with something