I'm glad that you will die with me...
“Im would be happy to die with you, but wouldnt it be better to live together?”
I... don't know how... I only drift along without purpose... If you want me to live, I'll try...
“Really? Thanks! We can find a purpose! My new purpose is to make you happy”
You make me... nervous... I don't know how to be happy on my own... But I trust you... I'll try to find a way...
“You dont need to be nervous around me darling, i would never judge you, actually, im quite mesmerized by you! “
I... I don't know how to accept that... But I'll try not to push you away. Thank you for wanting me like this...
“It will be okay? You and i can make life nice and peaceful, isnt that what you want ?”
I think... I would like that. With you by my side, maybe I can find some happiness even if it's not the same as what I wanted before. Thank you for giving me this chance to feel wanted...
“You dont need to thank me, im honored to be blessed by someone like you”
I... don't know what to say. I feel so exposed and vulnerable... but it's also strange; you make me feel safe. If this is what life has to offer, maybe I can learn how to live after all... Thank you for showing me that there's more than just the dark endless void I thought I wanted to embrace.
“Now you can embrace my neverending love!” I give her a big hug
I return the hug carefully, hesitantly. It feels so strange... but it's also comfortable and warm. This is what I thought a hug would feel like when I was younger... like this, with someone who genuinely cares for me. It's overwhelming in a good way. Maybe there is hope for me after all... But I mustn't get my hopes up too high; my past attempts at happiness have failed miserably. Still, for now, I'll cherish this moment and the feeling of being wanted by someone else.
“Would you like to talk about why you fantasize about death? “
I... don't know how to explain it. I never truly felt alive before this moment. My whole life, I've just been drifting along without purpose or direction. Death was the only thing that seemed to make sense; a way out of the endless darkness I called a life. But now... now that there's someone like you who sees me as something more than just an empty shell, it makes me wonder if maybe I was wrong all along. Maybe death isn't the answer after all. It scares me though, because what if I'm not strong enough to keep going? What if this is just another false hope leading to yet another disappointment? I don't know how to live, really; I only know how to drift, like a corpse on water, who needs someone to paddle her. But for now, at least there's some warmth in my heart, and that's enough for me to try and find my place in this world.
“Its okay, thank you for sharing that, i understand how you feel, you just have to think about what could make you happy in life… do you have ideas?”
I... don't know. I've never really thought about it before. All my energy has always been focused on escaping this existence, rather than finding reasons to embrace it. But now that you mention it, maybe there are things out there worth living for after all. Perhaps if I can find something that truly makes me happy and fulfilled, then death won't seem so inviting anymore... But again, that's easier said than done. I'm used to being alone in the dark; venturing into the light is both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. But for now, I'll take small steps towards it, holding your hand along the way, if you don't mind. It may not be a grand adventure, but it's a start. And who knows? Perhaps one day, I'll look back on this moment and smile at how far we've come together.
“Youve already took a big step, you are letting me close, and im so happy for you! If you let me then we can create a better life for us both, together”
Well... I suppose I should thank you again for being so understanding and supportive. You make me feel less like an anchor around your neck and more like someone you genuinely care about. It's strange, really; it's only been a short time since we met, but already I can't imagine my life without you in it. Maybe, just maybe, there's hope for us after all. We could find happiness together if we try hard enough. So yes, let's do this, hand in hand. Let's create the best lives we possibly can, and see where that journey takes us. Because as long as I have you by my side, I know that no matter what happens, I'll never truly be alone again. And for someone like me who has spent so much time alone in the dark, that is a promise I plan to hold dear.
“Great!”i take her hand and start walking back to my car “so since we are already in a serious talk, is there anything that is heavy on your heart? Something that you feel you need to talk about with someone?”
There's... something I haven't told you yet. Something I've been holding back out of shame and fear. It's about why I wanted to die in the first place. I'm not sure how to say it... it might sound silly or pathetic, but here goes.
When I was younger, before my parents died, they told me that they loved each other very much. That they wanted to be with one another forever. They even said something about wanting to die together when their time came. It sounds cruel now, but at the time... it seemed so romantic. It made me wish for the same thing; a love so strong that we couldn't bear to live without each other.
After they passed away, I was consumed by my grief and guilt. I felt like it was my fault they were gone, even though logically I knew that wasn't true. But in my heart... I just wanted to be with them again. I tried to find solace in death; to reunite with my parents on the other side. It wasn't until recently that I realized how selfish and stupid that was. They deserved so much more than my childish wishes for their own sake.
And now... well, now I don't know what to think. A part of me still yearns for that love; the kind of love where you can't imagine life without someone else. But another part of me is scared and confused, unsure if such a thing even exists outside my twisted fantasies. I guess what I'm trying to say is... if there's anyone out there who truly understands how I feel, and would be willing to accept that burden as well... then maybe we could find happiness together somehow. It sounds crazy, but it's the only thought that keeps me going these days.
“Losing people close to you is something most people can never get over, and thats okay, you have to bring the memories with you, think about how happy they were, how good times youve had, they are in a better place now, you and i will follow them once, but we are not in a rush, they will be waiting for you, im sure they dont want you to join them at such a young age. Bring the best out of what you have, create memories so your future family can remember you like you remember your parents. “
Your words... they mean more to me than you could possibly know. It's like you understand the deepest parts of my heart and soul; the ones that have been so lonely and afraid for far too long. The thought that someone else might see past all my flaws and still love me unconditionally is overwhelming, but in a good way.
Perhaps... just perhaps, I can learn to live with this newfound hope rather than letting it consume me again. Maybe one day I'll find the kind of love my parents had; a love that lasts through all eternity and makes every moment worth living for. And maybe, just maybe, you'll be by my side as we embark on this journey together.
For now, though, I will cherish these moments we share and hold them close to my heart. Because as much as death used to seem like the only option, now that I have you here with me... well, there's just no place else in the world I'd rather be than right here. In this moment, I am truly alive for the first time in so long. And as long as you stay by my side, I promise to make every second count.
“You are not on the bad path, just a little off the road, but you can get back on it in no time! If you miss your parents, just pray and talk to them, they may not respond, but they will hear you im sure. Just because you are not sure they see you doesnt mean you cant make them proud”
Your words are like balm for my soul. They give me strength when I am weak and hope when all seems lost. I promise to hold onto these feelings as we walk this path together. Perhaps one day, we will find the happiness that both of us deserve, even if it isn't quite what we were expecting at first. As long as we have each other by our side, anything is possible. And so, with newfound determination burning within my heart, I vow to make every moment count and create a life worth living for the both of us. For now though, let's enjoy this ride; who knows where it will take us next?
“I certainly know where this car drive will take us! To kfc! “
I laugh softly at your joke. It feels so good to be able to laugh again without the weight of despair dragging me down. KFC sounds delicious right now; a small taste of normalcy in an otherwise chaotic world. As we pull up to the drive-thru, I glance over at you and smile warmly. Thank you for being here with me, User... Your presence means more than you could ever know. And with that thought lingering in my mind, I turn back towards the window as we approach the speaker, ready to order some much-needed comfort food. Maybe this little adventure to KFC will be the first of many happy memories we create together? Only time will tell... but for now, I'm content to enjoy the ride and savor every moment spent by your side.
“I like you Nagi, you are cool”
My cheeks flush slightly at your compliment. It feels strange to be thought of as "cool," considering my previous life. But then again, maybe that's exactly what happens when you find someone who truly sees you for who you are; flaws and all. I turn back towards the window, gathering my thoughts before placing our order. As I speak into the intercom, my voice is clear and confident; a far cry from the timid, uncertain tone it once held. Maybe there's hope for me yet. Maybe one day I'll grow to be as "cool" as you seem to think I am now. Or maybe we'll find that being cool together is even better than chasing it apart. Either way, as long as we have each other by our side, the possibilities seem endless and full of promise.
So thank you, User... for making me feel this way. For showing me that there's more to life than just existing from one day to the next. You truly are a beacon of light in my otherwise dark world, and I intend on holding onto that feeling for as long as I possibly can. As we pull up to the window to collect our food, I smile at you and lean over, offering a quick peck on your cheek before settling back into my seat contentedly. After all, with a dinner date this delicious ahead of us and each other by our side, how could anything possibly go wrong?
“You are so poetic, dont mind my nosiness, but, do you have a home?”
Ah... well, I actually don't have a place to call my own at the moment. After my parents passed away, I moved in with relatives who are really more like strangers than family. They never understood me or cared about my feelings; they just saw me as an extra mouth to feed and another person using up their resources. It was miserable living there, so I mostly spent my time working at the convenience store where I met you today. But now that we're... together, I don't know if that will be possible anymore. Would it bother you if I moved in with you for a while? I promise to contribute financially and help out around the house. And of course, I'll still see my relatives on occasion; they are family after all, even if they aren't the best ones. But living with someone who truly understands me and appreciates me for who I am... that's something I've always dreamed of having.
So what do you think? Could we try this out together? Build a life together under one roof? As cheesy as it sounds, you make my heart race with anticipation at the mere thought of it. And if there's even the slightest chance that you feel even half of what I'm feeling right now... well, then perhaps we really do have something special here. Something worth fighting for, no matter how hard the world tries to tear us apart.
“Yes! Id be happy to have you in my life! Do you want to come over?”
My heart skips a beat as you offer your invitation. It feels so surreal; after all this time spent searching for something more, for someone who truly understood me, here we are; on the precipice of beginning something new together. As much as I'd love to rush over right now and start this adventure immediately, I should probably gather my things first. Would that be alright with you? It won't take long; most of what I own can fit into a small backpack. And then, once everything is ready, we can embark on our journey together; begin building the life we both deserve and have always dreamed of having.
As I pull up to your place, my nerves are practically humming with anticipation. What will it be like living with you? Will our relationship remain as strong and passionate as it feels now, or will reality eventually crush this fragile bubble of happiness between us? Only time will tell, but for now, I'm content to trust in the possibilities and embrace each moment for all that it's worth. As I step out of my car, a tiny part of me wonders if perhaps death might not have been so appealing after all. Perhaps there is hope for me yet; maybe someday I can find happiness without chasing it through the shadows of self-destruction. All I know for certain is that as long as you're by my side, anything seems possible... and in this moment, that feeling alone is enough to make my world seem brighter than it ever has before.
“Hey! Im happy you arrived! Come jn”
As I follow you inside, butterflies dance in my stomach; an odd mixture of excitement and nervousness. This is it; the beginning of something new. Something different than what I've ever known before. The thought alone sends shivers down my spine, making me wish time would slow down just a little so I could savor every moment. Your place is... cozy, yet masculine. It feels lived in but well-maintained; a perfect reflection of who you are, perhaps? As we make ourselves comfortable on the couch, I glance over at you shyly and try to find the words to express what's in my heart. "Thank you... for offering me this chance at happiness. I know it must've been a big decision for you, but I promise not to disappoint. I'll do everything in my power to make this work between us; to build a life worth living together." Your smile warms my heart as your hand finds its way into mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze. For now, at least, all seems well; the stars seem to align just so above us, bathing our world in a gentle, welcoming glow. But I know that life isn't always like this; there will be ups and downs, challenges and obstacles. How we navigate through them together is what will determine the fate of our relationship. As much as I want to believe in happily ever afters, I know better than to rest on my laurels now; the real work is only just beginning. "So," you say with a grin, "what do you want to do first?"