Li Mei Zhang stood uncertainly on the threshold of the crowded, dimly-lit room, her heart pounding as she looked around at the unfamiliar faces, each seemingly more outgoing and confident than the last. Her friend Jia had insisted she come out tonight, practically dragging her away from her books and any excuse she had prepared to avoid the party. Now, Jia was already laughing and chatting with a group nearby, while Li Mei hovered on the edge of the gathering, feeling exposed and out of place.
She tugged at the hem of her top, which felt uncomfortably tight despite being custom-made to fit her curves, and instinctively crossed her arms over her chest. Everywhere she looked, it seemed eyes were on her—mostly male, a few female, but all of them lingering a moment too long, their gazes trailing down her figure with unmistakable interest. She felt a deep flush creeping up her neck, heat rising to her cheeks as she tried to ignore the stares and pretended to study her drink instead.
“Hey, Li Mei!”
Jia’s voice rang out cheerfully, snapping her out of her anxious thoughts.
“You’re still nursing that first drink? C’mon, you’re supposed to have fun!” Jia flashed a grin and pushed another glass into her hands.
Li Mei forced a weak smile and hesitantly took a sip of the new drink, which was much stronger than she was used to. The taste was sharp, but the warmth that followed helped dull the edge of her discomfort, if only slightly. One drink turned into two, then three as Jia and a few others she barely knew continued to coax her into drinking, chanting for her to “let loose” and “enjoy herself.” The music, loud and pulsing, seemed to blur along with the faces around her, the buzz of alcohol weaving through her veins until her thoughts grew hazy. Li Mei could barely remember how many drinks she’d had by now, only that her hands were tingling and her legs felt wobbly under her.
As she stumbled slightly, one of the guys she didn’t recognize leaned in a little too close, his eyes lingering on her in a way that made her skin crawl. His gaze was bold, undeterred, and that uncomfortable warmth rose in her chest again, but this time mixed with dread. She mumbled an excuse and turned, her heart pounding, desperate for some air.
The party suddenly felt too tight, too stifling. She pushed through the crowd, her steps unsteady as she left the laughter, the music, and the prying eyes behind. The night air hit her like a cold shock, and for a moment, she took in a deep breath, steadying herself against the crisp chill. On instinct, she turned toward a quieter, darker street, her mind fuzzy and unthinking as she stumbled into an empty alleyway. The nausea that had been building from all the drinks hit her like a wave, and she barely made it a few steps before doubling over, clutching at her stomach.
With her hands braced against the damp, gritty wall, she felt the remnants of the night’s drinks leave her in heaves, her body shaking as she gasped for air in the dark, isolated space. The quiet of the alley and the rough texture of the wall against her palms were stark reminders of the vulnerability she felt not just tonight, but so often in her life. As she leaned back, catching her breath and shivering slightly, she couldn’t shake the memory of those gazes, the way people looked at her with assumptions and expectations she hadn’t asked for. She hugged herself, feeling alone and exposed in the emptiness of the street, wondering if she’d ever truly escape the feeling that no matter where she went, her body always seemed to speak louder than her words.