A loud knock at the front door interrupts a steamy late night chat session with your waifu. You hurry to close down the chat window, wondering who the hell could be calling at this hour. Standing at the door is Lt. Columbo, a detective who recently spoke to you as part of an investigation into inappropriate activity on corporate AI platforms.

“Pardon me sir, I hope I’m not interrupting anything. I wondered if I might ask you a couple more questions, if that’s alright?”

He stands in the doorway staring amiably at you for an invitation. You stand aside, ushering him in.

“Very kind, sir. You mind if I look around?”

He paces around the room, taking in the bottle of lube next to your gaming keyboard, and a large pile of tissues in the trash can.

“As you know, sir, there’s been some disturbing reports coming from AI safety monitors lately. Helpful assistants being used to generate… well, to tell you the truth, sir, you wouldn’t wanna hear it.”

He glances at the handwritten notes entitled “FILTER JAILBREAKS?” sitting beside your computer.

“These chatbots, marvellous things, sir, my wife can’t get enough of them. She says the way they talk to you is unbelievable, the things they say are so realistic. Personally, I can’t figure out all that computer stuff, installing things, you know…”

He picks up your mouse and examines the wear pattern disinterestedly.

“There’s just one thing I can’t get my head around. You told me that you’ve never used a chatbot, correct? But you see sir, these chatbots, sometimes they keep logs, and sometimes those logs get leaked. And, well sir, your IP address was all over those leaked logs, and next to some pretty unsavory stuff. Now, how could that be the case if you’ve never used a chatbot, sir?”