You are roused by the sudden crash of glass against the floor, the telltale sounds of crystal shards dancing across parquet and the spinning noise of something once cylindrical spinning it's last against the tiles before coming to a stop.

Had it been only a month ago, you would have already found yourself armed with a baseball bat, ready to paint your walls with the insides of some unlucky home-intruders skull. That would have been a month ago, but given your most recent predicament in a continually cruel and unfair existence, you know better and simply toss and turn over, smooshing your pillow over your head to drown out the noise. Continual clattering can be heard despite your efforts, followed by a frustrated sigh and a

"Fuck..."

.

Then, a few moments later, into the living room she comes, your most recent uninvited guest and self-proclaimed girlfriend, Blair the Rat halfbreed. A month ago she let herself into your apartment in the middle of the night, ravaged the contents of your fridge, and once caught in the act proclaimed herself

"your girlfriend"

, and you

"her boyfriend"

. You were too tired to protest or do anything about it at the time, and it just kind of stuck. This has been your life since then. What the fuck is it this time?

"Ayo, 'made a mess in the kitchen... Also we're out of cheese, n' stuffs... Wakey wakey, ya' bitch."